My mind is like muddy water with the sunrise, I'm still lost in the wild possibilities of my dreams. And so it takes some time for the gratitude to take hold and remind me of my blessings. I hate waking up on the fringe of disappointment and unmet demands. Let me dream! I keep a journal under my bed. This morning I opened it up to a passage I had quoted last fall after my previous relationship ended.
'Therefore, despite all her excellence and the admiration of everything on earth, she was regulated to live out her life in an eternal moment of frustrated possibility and desire that could never find a home.'
I am truly not a pessimistic person, quite the opposite, I see the best in everyone and every situation. I think that's what causes me so much frustration, I'm assuming others are seeing the same in me. A man once ended our relationship because I was "too pretty and too nice". Is there really such a thing as too-good-to-be-true? Do we need more flaws for others to see the humanness in us and feel safer with their own imperfectness? What if imperfections weren't labeled as such? What if we all allowed ourselves, our lovers, children and parents to be exactly perfect the way they are? Every human quality is an expression of the Divine, even the ugly ones. And how can anything Divine be less than wonderful? I've loved the men in my life, but that love has only grown into something deeper once, and the reason had nothing to do with time like one might think. And yes, I believe in love at first site...it's a Karmic thing. Loving is so easy for me, like I said I see the best in people. So I love them when their irresponsible because I can see the child that wants to be free. I love them when their jealous because I see I'm already of value. I love them when their angry because I know they're really just vulnerable. Before you think I've lost my mind know that there has to be balance, any of these emotions in excess will hurt and destroy what's cherished the most. So the point...perfection. We are all perfect and the goal isn't to go naively through life with rose colored glasses on but to learn to see the essence, the soul if you will, in those around you. We are not all good fits for one another but we all have something to bring to the table and teach. And the lessons, if we're paying attention, always teach us more about ourselves.